Oh hai all!
What a week. Japanese journalists and Jordanian pilots brutally and graphically murdered. Chan and Sukumuran are now certain to be executed. And, yet another fatal plane crash. In Taipei this time around. I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with those new ATR72s guys. It’s the pilot’s fault. Must be.
In short, this week has been FUCKING DEPRESSING. Again.
Although, there have been a couple of bright spots, at least, with Peter Greste finally returning home (DEFINITELY not the result of bribery), and the hilarity of old Tones sticking his fingers in his ears and chanting LALALALA in a futile attempt to avoid the sound of all those wolves at the gate.
Since it’s pretty tough to write new content in this FUCKING DEPRESSING climate.. have a re-post! This is from all the way back in the year 2000, when I was full of teen (ok, 20yo) angst. Seriously, what were we thinking? Being that age sucked. Kids, don’t listen to your parents (ever). Being old rules. I can’t stress that enough.
Remember when the world was simple back then, before we had to start facing up to how pissed off the rest of the world is at us?
Anyway, I’m off to legitimise my career by singing duets with Tony Bennet. Meanwhile, enjoy this shameless rehash..
The Friday Recap! Posted by zb. Friday, December 1, 2000.
Well, the clock ticked over to Friday about 2 hours and sixteen minutes ago, that means I get to do the “Friday Recap”, which I’m assuming will be done around once a year if we’re lucky, and not every Friday like the name might suggest. So here, ladies and germs, is my list of what I’ve achieved this week. Right after I manage to get down off this ceiling, anyway. Being at work, alone, at 2:39am when you’re incredibly bored and tired does weird things to your psyche.
For example, at the moment I’m listening to Robbie Williams’ music. I’m thinking this could be bad. All i’m worried about is someone catching me clinging to the ceiling in a feline-like pose. “I don’t wanna Rock, DJ!” have you ever listened to the lyrics of this song? They don’t actually make any sense. But still, chicks dig him and he tears his own skin off, so he can’t be all bad.
I’ve decided I’m going to make my own film clip for a really Second Rate song, and it’s just going to be me (and anyone else I can convince to join me in this fruitless quest) semi naked and prancing around like a boy band. It’ll sell millions, I swear! And if it doesn’t, I’ll just turn it into a Second Rate porn flick, and see how that fares.
Anyway, I think I drifted off the point. What was I saying? Oh yes, The first and last Friday Recap, here’s the list of what I achieved during my misadventures and maladies this week..
* I ate an entire box of curry and then shat a kidney minutes later
* I used the word “ironic” in seventeen separate sentences in an Alanis Morrisette kinda way, meaning not really ironic at all.
* My Pocket Wookie(tm) went missing, but I found the little twerp a few hours later hiding under a stool.
* I managed to conference call two pizza stores together on my work phone and acted like I had tourettes.
* I got fired, but re-hired minutes later when I promised I’d wear clothes to work from now on. And agreed that a sumo outfit doesn’t count.
* I made four prophecies, none of which came true.
* I decided that within the next 6 months, I’m going to do something different, weird, strange, and totally not me-ish. Like wash or something, I dunno.
* I also decided that I’m going to start being more polite to people. I’ll start beeping my horn at pedestrians, for example, instead of lightly ramming them with my car.
* I’ll get my ears checked, so I stop nodding and smiling when I can’t hear people (which is most of the time), and actually understand what’s being said. That way I won’t end up in any more protest rallies down George Street, regarding the violence in palestine or “Jews for Jesus”, I can’t remember which.
* sp00ge ran for governor of our state, but his campaign was thwarted at the last minute by a streaker with a butter knife.
* I thought I was having sex with two women at the same time, but I was just dreaming while sleeping naked with jelly moulds again. I don’t know how that happened. Honestly.
* I decided that the “Friday Recap” really is a bad idea, and decided to scrap it.