So I was standing at finco today carefully preparing my delicious ‘staka dog’ (hot dog, mustard, ketchup, onions, grated cheese, thankyou drive through) when I saw a rather stunning female standing on the adjacent side of the ‘staka bar’. She was hogging the cheese so naturally I elbowed her aside as a way of introduction. She shot me a ditry look (along with some dirty words) to which I could only think of the reply “Why should I care? You’re hogging the cheese. Don’t keep me from my cheese.”
She replied, “Oh you wouldn’t. But that huge chunk of human flesh over there toting the football wearing the jersey emblazoned ‘Ung’ is my boyfriend, and judging by that enormous hand of his that is currently clasped around your throat, I’m assuming he cares somewhat more than you do.”
After Ung dropkicked my head into the nearby smiths chip display, a thought struck me as I sat in a pile of cheese and onion crisps. “Of course!” I said to myself, as Ung was too busy kicking me in the stomach to listen to anything I had to say (“No! Please! Stop, I can’t afford to die young, the world needs me!” didn’t have any effect either). “It’s all so simple and clear now – Yodanacity!”
So now that I’m out of intensive care, I can begin to share the magic of my discovery with you all. I should point out that the theory of Yodanacity was actually coined by sp00ge in a discussion that took place about a week ago, but it sounded cooler my way. Anyway, Yodanacity is the name for that intangible quality possessed by a group of people we’ll tout as “Yodas”. Before jumping to any boardgame conclusions, these “Yodas” in question have nothing to do with the little green man out of Star Wars, nor Yoda from Star Wars either.
Anyway, to see Yodanacity in action, just go out to your favourite pub/club/strip bar/back alley and pick any “Yoda” to keep an eye on. Watch them get swamped by most of the females in the place, receiving hugs, kisses, and occasionally even the odd quick dry shebang on the floor or toilet cubicle. You see that? They didn’t even get spat on once. Now, what’s causing that, you ask? Is it charisma? Charm? Self-confidence? Attitude? Good looks?
Nay, it is none of these. One word – Yodanacity.
We’ve decided to undertake an extensive research into this quite thrilling (boring) subject. Anyone that can donate a miniature camcorder would be rewarded with our everlasting gratitude (which usually lasts a little over a week); otherwise we’ll just use our eyes. Should our research prove successful, who knows what the future may hold? Bottled Yodanacity? Yodanacity lessons? Kicks to the groin? Loss of motor functions?
Only time will tell.
Dullest conversation of the week:
her: i have just finished sucking face with the rubber doll!
me: please, i’m eating!
her: oh well you’ll get over it!
me: not with my dinner all over your pantaloons, sunshine!
her: Its allright i was doing cpr and ear!!
me: you mated with a plastic doll? that’s disgusting!
her: of course i did *looks at you strangly*
me: keep your eyes off my strangly!
her: but i have rabies!
me: can i have that in writing?
“And unless I’m very much mistaken.. Yes, I *am* very much mistaken..”